Endoscopy

I’m writing this as I am at the hospital since I am so bored out of my brains I checked in at the reception for the endoscopy suite (after getting a letter confirming this). I signed the consent paperwork and they did some basic health check, just blood pressure, pulse and oxygen levels. I had to put on a hospital gown and feel like I am going to have serious surgery…I was supposed to take 2 dulcolax before bed, but my doctor was happy with my fasting and taking triphala instead of the dulcolax. I was specifically told to eat gluten before my endoscopy. Normally I'm inclined to just listen to the healthcare provider, since their equipment or procedures may be different than others, but I had a slight doubt.

I have been waiting for about four hours for my name to be called up. This has been by far the worst part, my local hospital (not sure about yours) has everyone in at 8am and then you sit and wait for the doctors to decide who goes next. This is not my local hospital due to relocating so all you see is a bunch of asians starting a conversation with you from all shapes and sizes. I had to check that I wasn’t referred to a mental health hospital and double checked that it was Eid. It’s a different kettle of fish, I must say I am pretty nervous since this is the first time I’m not with my mother and I went in not wanting sedation but every time a nurse came in they would look in despair that I wasn’t getting sedated. So in the end I decided for sedation after Googling all sorts.

I got in and spoke with the surgeon who looked like angry version of Anupam Kher we had a slight disagreement as he said I didn't need an endoscopy as the type of anaemia I had was not from bleeding, I said I know it's not for the anaemia it's because my haematologist wants to check if I have coeliac, he instantly snapped and changed demeanor.

I then said I wanted the sedation, he numbed my throat and that was it. The nurse put blocks on my teeth to keep your mouth open, I said no I want the actual sedation before. I woke up fifteen minutes later like I was waking up from a nap on a friend's sofa, totally spaced out. Physically, I felt like I had a long nap. Right at that stage where your balance is off, ever so slightly and all you want is to be picked up by someone like a baby. All I could think of is having home cooked food.

Took about twenty minutes altogether and they were done. My mouth got full of saliva and I couldn't swallow due to the anaesthetic so the nurse used a suction thingy to get it out. I then sat in the waiting room for an hour doing nothing and was then given apple juice to sip until they were sure that I could swallow and that I had no side effects. A part of me just wanted to stay in as I knew I had to make my way home. Bit of a sore throat afterwards but not even as bad as a cold. I was able to get up and walk out within 10 minutes, and even went for a walk after the short drive home. The next day I was feeling a little groggy and decided to book myself some beauy treatments.

After getting an endoscopy done the surgeon told me I had some scarring in my esophagus from acid reflux. This is also from an article I read on it, “Stomach acid backs up into the back of your throat (pharynx) or voice box (larynx), or even into the back of your nasal airway. It can cause inflammation in areas that are not protected against gastric acid exposure.” It happens when the muscle does not close tightly so stomach acid leaks out. When we sleep at night, our bodies produce more melatonin, which makes this muscle close tightly (so our sleep will not be disturbed by acid reflux). However, if you are low on melatonin, this muscle will not close tightly.

So, the recommended treatment to stop acid reflux is to take 3mg of melatonin 2 hours before bedtime every night. I wanted to try this since I have a hard time falling asleep at night. In fact sometimes I do not even sleep.

It can be relieved by mixing 1 tablespoon of baking soda in 1/2 cup of water. It is good to drink this every day to make your body more alkaline than acidic, anyway.

I decided to pack my bags and visit my parents for the weekend and I was able to reflect on my night drive. I absolutely love my parents so so much and I wouldn’t change them for the world. My mother was in awe of my abs and my father was happy that I popped by! (FYI abs are not created by doing ab exercises, they are created by doing deadlifts, RDL’s, lunges, overhead presses, squats and incline bench lifts!)

I have learnt the art of reversing overwhelming emotions during conflict to my advantage. I have learnt to give myself the same advice as if I was to give it to a stranger, the answer is far more clearer, realisic and appropriate. This is how you become unfuckablewith.

Anyways I am going to the doctor soon to get the biopsy results if that gives more information. I think it looks scarier than it is and I probably shouldn’t have watched all the Youtube videos about this prior to this anyway.

PSOAS:

It seemed apparent that people who had very open hips and lower back tended to be naturally more playful, creatively free, and some what calmer/more trusting about life. So I wondered what muscle is mostly involved in the spine to hip connection. The main culprit would be our Psoas muscle. This is the deepest muscle of the human body. On beginning my research I already new that the psoas affects; mobility, structure, flexibility, strength, and even our organs.

The Psoas initiates at both sides of the spine, and spans from the 12th thoracic vertebrae down to both of the 5th lumbar vertebrae. From there it travels through the abdominal core, to the pelvis, where it attaches to the top of the thighbone.

It is the only muscle to connect the spine to the legs. Without it we would not walk or stand upright. A healthy psoas creates stable ground to hold our vital organs located in the abdominal core. When the Psoas is tight or constricted the freedom and ease of movement in our spine to hip connection is seriously prohibited. A tight unhealthy Psoas is the breeding ground for low back pain, sciatica, hip problems, knee pain, disc problems, menstruation pain, infertility, and even digestive problems like IBS to name a few.

A free mobile healthy Psoas seems to not only give the benefits of mobility and physical comfort but it also supports a free, more playful and calmer way of being. I got to wonder, well, why is that?

I discovered that the psoas also connects to the diaphragm through connective tissue or fascia which affects our breath and our capacity to feel fear. Both the psoas and the facia can hold tensions that effect not only the muscle and its movements, but also our emotional balance and calmness. Our psoas is the connector between the pelvis and the brain it guides that connection and supports it. You could see the spoas as “a bridge” between your rational and instinctual capacities.

Most importantly I found out that the psoas is connected to what we call your abdominal brain. Your abdominal brain is also known as your Enteric Nervous System, named by John Newport Langley. It can be simply described as the emotional centre of your body. It is in control of digestion and emotions arise from this place. It is made up of a huge network of nerves; It has the same density of nerves as the spinal cord and the same amount of neuro transmitters as the brain. And it works independently of the top brain. It can actually survive if the head brain dies. Where as if your abdominal brain dies then the brain in your head will also die as the essential functions of the body cannot be carried out.

It’s nice to imagine that you have your head brain at the top of the spinal column and your gut brain at the bottom. Which is exactly what yoga works with in the chakra system which top and tails the shusumna nadi/central spinal column.

What this also means is that emotions are connected in with the psoas through the fascia and nerves. When you feel fear or guilt in your abdominal brain that e-motion. Energy-in-motion travels through the nerves in the psoas to the spinal column and then to the brain. Your psoas in this exchange is acting like a courier from the abdominal brain to the central nerves system sending the emotional-information to your brain. Now if your poas is healthy then, the information transmitted to your brain will be accurate and have clarity. If however your psoas is unhealthy, tight and cramped then the information will be unclear and you will most likely feel emotional discomfort in the process of couriering this information from down to up.

So when you have very open hips and lower back (psoas) you are more easily playful, creatively free, and even somewhat calmer or more trusting about life. Because the emotions that appear in your abdominal brain due to everyday living are transmitted freely with clarity and ease through your oh so healthy psoas to your brain. Without incurring pain or discomfort and subsequently more fear. Fear is the emotion that stops us from playing with the unkown, from being creatively free. Fear is the feeling that prohibits a calm life. And stops us from learning new things.

I believe the common diagnosis of IBS could be better understood as; ‘trapped or pushed down emotional energy held within the psoas and abdominal brain.’ If we had the courage and patience to breath down into this tight area, then to let the emotions flow up as we exhale so as to experience them. We could release them into wisdom and part of our integrated being. Our psoas would be more relaxed and out emotional clarity would be increased, so dealing with the emotional stuff on a feeling level is too much to begin with we could also practice a range of, back-to-hip opening asana for gentle release of this physical tension.

Often all our ailments want is – Our Attention, so they can heal. Attention is like the sunlight on a plant encouraging it to grow into its fullest form. Attention is where the medicine lives!